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Autobiographical Paper

This paper first describes important relations that have impacted me, then presents the significant events in my life that have helped form my personality and worldview, and finally it conclude with discussion on my multicultural competence, advantage and limitation.

My Autobiography

Beginning in 2009, I had the idea of writing an autobiographical book of myself, and I started preparing for it by writing blogs. However, the writing finally developed my interest in psychology and brought me to ASU. My history looks like complicated, but it is in fact very straightforward. My life is a product of social change with several important choices made by my father and later by myself.

The Small Town

I was born in early 1970s, before the Cultural Revolution ended, in a very small town (or village) in Sichuan Province, a southwest province in China. People in Sichuan call this province a place favored by God, but in fact it is one of the most crowded and poorest provinces in China. When I have chance to get out of China, I always feel many people in this world, whether they origin from China, Asian, Middle East, Europe, or US, have narrow mindset if they have not travelled to other places. This was particularly true to the people in my town when I was born. They just sit in the teahouse and chatted all kinds of big and fancy things, while such things either were ridiculous or never existed.

However, many years later, when I had chance again to sit with such people in the same place with which I had been familiar since I had memory, even I thought I was no longer a member in that small village, I still felt that I loved that place so much that I really hoped I would go nowhere else, but spent the rest of my life there peacefully. This feeling could be one live sample the unconscious impacts that our cultural and environment have given to us. Disregarding the fact we like or dislike, the environment, the local culture, the worldview, and the people are working in our mind unconsciously. It is true to my mind, and it may be also true to everyone in this world.

My Father

Only when I became a father, and my father came to Shanghai to help me and live with me for one year, I realized how much impact my father had given to me. Sometimes, when I am trying to boast of my own achievements in the past and appreciating my personality of courage and persistence in critical times, my father came to my mind. We had different life path, and his achievements compared to mine looked negligible, but he had no less courage and no smaller vision than I did if the limitation of his living environment is considered. Above all, he is still open-minded until today.

Contrary to what is said by Sue and Sue (20113, p. 427), ¡°¡­ when people do survive poverty, they demonstrate many strengths that are often not part of the stereotypical image that people in other classes have of the poor¡­ patience, persistence, and determination¡­¡± I appreciate the strength of my parents even now I am in a totally different class than them.

Even compared to their poor neighbors, my parents were in extreme poverty when they married. There were not even a pillow or quilt to them as gift from their parents, and they had to make everything from zero with their hands. However, within 30 years, they bore and raised four children, sent three of them to colleges (very few neighbors in my age have degree higher than middle school), rebuilt the house inherited from my grandfather, purchased radio set, TV set, and bicycles for our family, and became one of the richest families in the local community. They attained such achievements by hard working, careful household management, and cautious private business venture.

Distinguished from other rich families in our community, my father was very generous. While other families were busy with making money to provide TV service to neighbors by charging audience, my father offered our TV set, radio set, and even bicycle free to use. A large number of TV audience in our neighborhood was attracted to my house, and everyday, even big raining days, my house was flooded by TV audience as far as one-hour walking distance.

Distinct from other Chinese businessmen who manipulated their partners and employees, my father never forgot a cent to the people who supplied products to him. I still remember, in many years, he did not follow the suggestion of my mother not to meet product/labor suppliers in the day before the Chinese New Year, and prepared money for those who were in need for the celebration of New Year. He always reminded us that he could feel the pains and embarrassments of those who were asking him for money in that day. ¡°Unless they really need, they would not have come. They are human beings, and they have their dignities, even they are poor people,¡± my father said, ¡°Don’t forget we were poor not long ago!¡±

Partly due to his senior position in our family system, and partly because of his balanced view and generosity, he became the unpaid leader in our family system and even contributed financially to local community development. Even today, in my family system, there are a lot of richer brothers and sisters, and he is nobody after he bankrupted, but many people still come to him for advice or direct intervention in critical situations.

I disagreed and fought a lot with my father when I was a boy, but now I have to admit that his courage, persistency, open-mindedness, generosity, empathy for poor people, and humors have been passed to me. These personalities are very helpful in multicultural counseling.

My Significant Life Events

My Birth Order. I had two elder sisters and one younger brother, and my position in my family was very high since I was born because I was the first male child. My sisters have been always complaining (or joking) to me, about their misery after my birth, and they usually quote the story that they were scared by their younger brother’s chase with a knife in hand while our parents were laughing at them. However, my good time did not last long and my younger brother came 3 years later. My brother became my enemy, and we fought against each other for parents’ favors many years until I left my family to study in the city 15 miles away from my house.

My birth order might have some impact to my personality of domineering.

The Impact of Poverty in Childhood. Not until recently in ASU did I realize the poverty in childhood had given me a feeling of insecurity and a tendency of anxiety.

Although I could not personally experience the poverty my parents had experienced in Great Leap around 1960, when one third of the population died from hungry, I still remember the days when we had no rice to cook and we had to beg richer neighbors for a bowl of rice. If there was a meal with some meat, I always ate too much to the degree of vomiting. When people in my age are fighting against obesity now, many may have forgotten our poverty in childhood.

The poverty experience brought to me a habit of saving, thrift, calculating, and aspiration for change to better. This could be one of the reasons that I have a little bit resentment to poor people who are reluctant to change, as I have shared in classroom discussion.

This poverty experience definitely has given a feeling of insecurity to many Chinese, and we could not feel secure enough when we have already owned houses, cars, and a lot of saving. For example, last year, when I realized my cost calculation in US was wrong, and lost one significant investment, even I still had the saving for a couple of years, I was almost mad with overwhelming anxiety about my situation in US, to the degree of incapacity of doing but complaining and worrying. The feeling of insecurity can block people’s growth, while it can also stimulate excellence for a few individuals.

As for counseling, the poverty experience may be helpful for me to understand poor and minority clients, and inspire the clients to change by self-disclosing.

Fifty Cents and to Be a Good Man. One afternoon, when I was in grade 2, my teacher took me out from classroom, and questioned me whether I had stolen money of fifty cents (5/6 cents in US currency, but big money then) from the girl who sat next to me. After I declined, the teacher searched all my pockets, and he found nothing. He told the girl and her parents that he did not find the evidence to support their charge that I had stolen her money.

There were a lot of story behind this incident, e.g. the conflict between our two families and the girl was not dare to tell her parents that either she had lost the money or she had used the money up. However, my crying in the field outside of the classroom of my biggest sister infuriated her, she quitted her class and came out to the place where my teacher was searching me. She failed to stop the teacher’s searching my pockets, but she cried out and shouted dirty words toward my teacher. When the teacher finished his job, my sister took me home and reported this insulting incidence to my father.

The behavior of my father was much beyond my expectation. Immediately after my sister’s report, my father took me without any hesitation to the house of the school principle, and complained directly to her the misbehavior of my teacher. Until today, the simple but powerful words of my father still hovering in my mind,

¡°My family is poor, but all my children are disciplined and honest. They never lie on important issues, not even to imagine they may steal money from others. When my boy told the teacher that he did not steal, it should be the truth. The teacher’s searching in his pockets humiliated my boy and insulted my family, and we will never forgive the teacher and the school! I believe my boy is innocent! We have dignity disregarding our financial situation!¡±

It looks like my father intended to give the teacher and the principle a lesson, but his behavior and words jumped to my mind in every critical moment when I was thinking of compromising my belief for profit. I really hoped I could be a good businessman and earned the money that I deserved only. However, in an environment where almost everyone considers financial return a higher end than means, personal value, and dignity, it is almost impossible to maintain the value and dignity inherited from my father. After I realized that I could not balance between my personal value and pressure from environment, I decided to change my environment and came to US to pursue a life in which I can be myself.

¡°To be a good man, and to do good for others.¡± This also contributed to my life and career change. Ten years ago, when I separated with my ex-wife after marriage of less than one year, I gave her my house and all my saving to make sure she could maintain a good living.

This incident also reminds me the words of Sue and Sue (2013) again about the strength of poor people. I should not underestimate the poor clients who come for help, and I may help them to find their strength from their daily struggling.

Lucky Boy with Persistency. A couple of years ago, I had a chance to meet my elementary school principle, and she told me among the 100 students in the two classes I had attended, I was the only one who had education higher than middle school (Grade 9). Again, she reminded me that I was her pride in her career as educator of 40 years, and I really appreciated her contribution in changing my academic advancement, so vital to my life and my personality.

In 1987, I failed to be admitted by the first middle school in my county, which only admitted 90 students from elementary graduates of around 20,000. If I continued my education in the local middle school, I would be doomed to end my education in that school after three years. On the contrary, by receiving education from the county first middle school, I might had chance to attend high school and even universities. Whether to get admission by the county first middle school was not just difference of education quality in two schools, but possibility of two destines of one’s life. I had little idea about that, but I did not want to end my fantastic school experience. After the purposeful visit of the school principle, my father decided that I should declined the admission offer from the local middle school, and came back to elementary school and prepare myself better for admission test in the next year.

The next academic year was not a year just full of academic challenges, but a period to finally to forge my personality of persistency and resilience. In that year, there were many doubts from neighbors, a lot of temptation from classmates to play outside rather than to stay in classroom, and even class mismanagement, but every day I wrote down diary to remind me of the importance of the coming admission test, and the consequence I had to bear if I were not admitted. When many classmates in similar situation already forgot our missions, I did not.

The next year, I was very lucky and was admitted by the first county middle school. I spent six years thereafter in that school, and my academic performance moved from the bottom to the top in two years and maintained the top until I graduated from that school in 1994.

This incident, and similar incidents in later life, reinforces my belief that God would favor those who dare to change and work hard. In the past, I always used this example to inspire my friends and myself. However, as every success can blind people, I might have underestimated the gift that I had and the vicissitudes of life. At least, I should be aware of the difficulties for those who are intellectually disabled.

The Development of My Worldview about China and Western. Everyone is a product of beliefs. I thought I was one of the few who really had critical thinking ability in my society, but the fact that I was a good student in so many years at least implied I was to some degree planted the ideas that our political system wanted.

I believed that China was a great country and it was the only alive one of the big four ancient civilizations (Babylon, Egypt, India, and China); I believed China was once so powerful that until mid of 19 centuries, before the invasion of western countries, it was still the wealthiest country in the world; I believed China had contributed a lot of inventions to the world; I believed western countries’ invasion and colonization had stopped the normal development of China; I believed the political system of China was the best system in the world and the westerns’ were evil systems¡­Such beliefs did not last long before they were shattered by facts in daily lives and secret messages transmitted among people. However, the way that we were taught could have impacted me such that until today I still prefer to believe something, which I like, without evidence or critical thinking.

Before I had chance to work in foreign countries, I had resented a lot of China system and even some of Chinese culture, but the working and living experience in European countries finally shocked me to another extreme that almost everything from China was inferior, the products, the services, the cultures, the beliefs, and the people. In the western European countries, the environment was clean and orderly, the people were very helpful, the government did not coerce their citizens, and the service and products purchased were guaranteed. Even in some Asian countries and eastern western countries, where religious beliefs were not inhibited, the majority of people were very peaceful and polite. I started to disbelieve what I had once considered truth.

Probably since 2005, I intentionally started reading books in pure English, after I found out the Chinese version of some books were not so truthful to the original version, and even discontinued reading Chinese books. By this way, I hoped to become a person with western mind, or healthy mind. The last step was to get a doctoral degree in humanity area in US to brainwash myself from ¡°corruption¡± by China society and education. When my boy went to preschool and I had chance to be exposed to current education system in China, I felt great anxiety about his education, and finally gave up everything in China and came to US.

After almost 10 months in US, I started to feel that not everything westernized was good, and realized that I might have been unaware of my bias that I had acquired many years ago. Culture is so complicated, and human being and society are changing. I should have a more balanced view about this world and critically evaluate the different dimensions of a person and elements of a culture.

Self-examination & Cultural Competence

Self-examination Based on R/CID Model

Based on my autobiography, I think R/CID model may be the best to apply to myself. Although it looks like there exists no one exact stage to definitely describe my current developmental status, my current developmental stage is close to Stage 5 - Integrative awareness.

Attitude Toward Self. I was not a confident person, particularly in the past, but I am not self-depreciating. My current attitude toward myself could be self-appreciating or neutral. I believe I could achieve some goals I set for my self, in academic, in business, and in life. As described in my autobiography, this belief has been confirmed and reinforced by a lot of life and career successes.

While I don’t depreciating the physical appearance of my group, Chinese in US and in China, I do depreciate a lot of the Chinese culture, particularly the current Chinese culture contaminated by communism. I don’t believe one group of people is naturally inferior to another group of people, say white people, but I do believe cultures and ideas differ significantly, and current Chinese culture is not healthy enough. If I did not believe this, I would have not scarified so much to come here to endure sufferings and challenges.

I could be in Stage 5 for my attitude toward myself, self-appreciating, but I am not in Stage 3.

Attitude Toward Others of the Same Minority. Because basically I hold negative attitude toward Chinese culture, and my current attitude could be approximately in Stage 2. I do believe the Chinese culture is problematic, but I don’t agree with the opinion that Chinese population, as a whole, is problematic. There are some people I dislike and some people I respect, and I prefer to differentiate them based on education, income, and social behaviors, rather than by racial identities.

Attitude Toward Others of the Different Minority. My attitude toward others of the different minority group is very similar to that of Chinese. For example, I do have negatively view that Mexican people are lazy, fat, and uneducated, influenced by media and by my Chinese friends in US, but I am cautious of my opinion when I am working with individuals. President Obama has already demonstrate to us that our bias toward other minority group could really be wrong when applied to a specific person, and Dr. Arredondo’s own case, a Latina but a successful professional in a white dominant field, is another convincible example that my bias was wrong. I have bias toward Chinese and other minority groups generally, or statistically, but I don’t have bias toward a specific individual.

None of the stage regarding this attitude could be appropriate for my status, but Stage 2 might be close. I don’t have strong sense of comradeship with other groups, but I do feel my similarity with them, and I do question the stereotypes associated with them.

Attitude Toward Dominant Group. My attitude toward dominant group should be selective appreciation. Generally (or a better word, statistically), I appreciate the western culture, the white culture, and the dominant culture in US, but I don’t appreciate each individual I meet. I might appreciate some persons who are educated, kind, and helpful, but I don’t appreciate lazy, uneducated, or discriminatory people even they are white. Even the culture, I don’t accept dominant culture without critical thinking. I believe the individualism and overly sought freedom are root cause of some mental problems in US, and I am even thinking how to leverage some elements of Chinese culture to address the challenges in US mental field.

I am definitely in Stage 5 in this attitude.

My Identity and Foundation

Although I dislike being identified as a member of one group, here below is my self-perception of my identity based on Tripartite Development of Personal Identity (Sue & Sue, p. 47).

I am a non-disabled, very intelligent and educated Chinese, and a middle-aged married man with hetero sexual orientation. I live in a middle-class neighborhood in Phoenix, I believe Christian religion and Chinese Moderation (Zhongyong, ÖÐÓ¹), and I appreciate personality of diligence, persistence, and courage. Although I believe the fundamentals of human, e.g. dignity and freedom, should be applicable to everyone, I prefer to analyze a person individually and put aside his/her group identity, from which a lot of biases come. I view myself as a unique individual without definite identity. I dislike a lot of Chinese culture and other minority cultures, but I don’t deny my Chinese identity and don’t avoid individuals from any cultures.

More importantly, I am still open for change, and I even have interest in understanding LGBT, a group of people toward whom I still have strong resentment. I believe such resentment may come from biases or misreading.

Cultural Competence

Awareness. I am aware of the fact that I have some judgmental biases toward minority groups, Chinese, black people, Mexican people, other Asian people, east and west European people, and some US white people. Such judgments mainly come from influence of media and my travelling experience in the world. However, my business practice in the past 10 years gave me a great benefit – don’t judge individuals based their identity. Similar to my unwillingness to give myself a definite identity, I decline to give identity to a particular person. I believe any person in this world should deserve the same dignity and respect as mine, no more and no less, and I am comfortable to sit with any client who is culturally different from me.

Knowledge. However, I admit currently I may not have the necessary knowledge and skill to work with clients from other races, disabled, LGBT group or group in low social economic status. I would consider referral my clients to their own sociodemographic group or to different therapists in general, if I realize that I could not do benefit to my clients.

Also, I am not so familiar with US sociopolitical system, and I might not be able to provide service to those who need help in community and or who need social advocates in societal or organizational level.  I might be able to provide service to clients in school counseling, career counseling, and mental health counseling pertaining to individual level, but I may not be knowledgeable enough to provide family counseling service to clients whose cultures are different from mine, because it requires a lot of cultural sensitivity

Skills. As a new comer in counseling psychology, I don’t think my skills are well equipped to provide services for clients, not even to say to provide cultural appropriate intervention to clients. It might be easy for me to work with Chinese people or Asian people, but I don’t think in this moment, I have necessary culturally appropriate skills to work with white people and other minorities in US. Also, because I am not familiar with US politics and institutions, I might lack of the ability to exercise institutional intervention skills on behalf of my client when appropriate.

Conclusion

My diversified background has helped me to develop a very balanced worldview, an open attitude toward change, little discrimination toward a specific individual, good self-awareness about my biases, empathy toward underprivileged population, and risk and responsibility taking. My business engagement in China and the world requires me to maintain a habitual questioning on my own ideas, judgments and values, and trying to understand the people from their own social contexts. These are very good elements for a potential culturally effective counselor.

However, business is different from counseling profession. We can give up a business, and in many case it not ethically acceptable to give up a client. The fact that I still lack of necessary knowledge and skills to work with a diverse population should be the apparent limitation that I should work through in training and practice. To cope with such limitation, I might use culturally insensitive skills, e.g., existential or CBT, to help those whose cultures are different from mine.

References

Sue, D., W., & Sue, D. (2013). Counseling the Culturally Diverse: Theory and Practice (6th edition). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.